Taste it!

It's five o'clock in the morning, Stansted airport, London. Halfway back to Stockholm on a marathon trip that will eventually Friday midday land me back in Cape Town.

Last thing I told you was that I almost burst my eardrum, and then I disappeared... So much has happened these last two weeks, so many lessons learnt. (And yes, my ear is fine, by the way, thanks for all who wondered.)

Competitive Freediving.
Taste those two words in your mouth. Roll them around on your tongue like a good wine. Close your eyes and succumb to the flavour.
What do you think?
Sweet? Bitter? A contradiction? A challenge? Salty..?

Well, for me it goes from sweet to bitter to pure I-need-to-puke-dash-to-a toilet right now and pass the water bottle, please! My training was sweet and then slippped unbeknown to me into something else, and suddenly there I was, swimming around the Blue Hole, a bitter taste in my mouth, crying into my mask. It was a really tough decision not to go for the records I had announced, especially as my training had taken me to my goals and beyond... but ah, when you lose the joy, when the taste is bitter?

Freediving for me is more than a sport, more than achievements, more than meters, seconds. Losing that love- happiness was not worth it, it never will be. So as I swam around the hole, sobbing into my mask (yes, it is possible, just very snotty!) I decided to back off, and wait. As Linda says (in her accentuated and adored Italian accent) 'You can't force it, let the depth come to you, it will- but not when you're pushing for it'.

And since then I've had a wonderful time in Dahab, coaching, teaching courses, organising, judging Bizzy Blue Hole and applauding all my friends achieving their dives.

At peace, in joy and with a sweet taste in my mouth I say goodbye to Dahab, for now.

...and Depth, when you're ready, you know where to find me.

The ears, the coach and the four things I forget

Today I thought I burst my eardrum.

There's an Egyptian saying that roughly translates into 'some days are honey and others are onions...' Yesterday was sweet raw eucalyptus honey, today was a teary onion stinging my eyes.

Yesterday I did a new personal best no fins, which was great. Today was, well- onions. Or so I thought... then I had a good chat with Linda who is coaching me at the moment, and I came to my usual ah-ha experience realisation... which those of you who follow this blog will recognise.

Let go let go let go let go. (Think I might need to tattoo that on a prominent body part soon!)
There are only four things in our lives we truly have control over- our thoughts, our feelings, our words and our actions. Think about it. We feel, but it is a CHOICE how we let these feelings influence our thoughts, our actions. We think, but I can CHOOSE what I dwell on. It's when we try to control all the other things in our lives, that we lose control over these four things, that are the only four we actually DO have control over. I have allowed my feelings and thoughts to run amok the last few days. I have tried to control all that is outside- I lost. So, letting go- again.

Resting tomorrow, talking sweet nothings to my ear... drinking strawberry juice and reading.
A day of honey! I have chosen!

Linda whispering wisdom at me- she is the guru of equalisation!


OUCH!

Photos: Daan Verhoeven

dive for dreams and live by love

an extract from the poem by e. e. cummings

dive for dreams
or a slogan may topple you
(trees are their roots
and wind is wind) 
trust your heart
if the seas catch fire
(and live by love
though the stars walk backward) 
honour the past
but welcome the future
(and dance your death
away at the wedding) 
never mind a world
with its villains or heroes
(for good likes girls
and tomorrow and the earth) 
in spite of everything
which breathes and moves, since Doom
(with white longest hands
neating each crease)
will smooth entirely our minds 

beautiful words after a tough day

Noseclip Days

So Hanli, which part of your body hurts today?
Today? My left nostril and the crown of my head.

Ok, so I do write a bit too much about strange body parts and afflictions, but it's a known fact that freedivers are hypochondriacs and body fixated- not in the very vain sense, just that you need every single part of your body to work perfectly, every second of every dive.

So- my right nostril.
I have a very very vicious noseclip. In order to start diving without a mask, only noseclip, I really doctored my old faithful gold-glittered noseclip, to get it to sit really really tight, so that I can equalise against it, no hands! Which is great, but for the amount of pressure I use to equalise, I need to put it super hard... so it huuuuurts!!!

And today, beautiful flat day in the Blue Hole, at last! But this meant no current to push us away from the reef, so swam head first bang into a coral outcrop at 30m... Ouch! Sure hope the coral is ok, hers being a more a risk species than mine..!

Other than that, all good in camel-land. The noseclip is starting to work, now I just need to make my whole mouth nose ears head area understand to equalise with water streaming over my eyes.
Sometimes I feel like what happens inside me is removed from me... I think I'm in control, then- I'm not. And yes, yes, my usual lesson of letting go comes back at me and I'm learning.

Apart from the head on coral and sore nose, today was good. The water loves me and I love her back!

The good old days of diving with a mask... I love you Sphera... I miss you...

Photo: Jesper Stechmann

A long lost friend

faith

• noun 1 complete trust or confidence

Oxford English Dictionary

Today I announced a record attempt.

No, no all of you out there with oodles of faith in me... not world records, you sillies! South African records. The last two SA records I don't hold, CWT 60m and CNF 40m as well as bettering my own FIM 50m and STA 5.39. (For all the dear non-freedivers following this blog)*

So, faith. Complete trust or confidence.
I am recovering from a tummy bug (think bad bug with incisors, not spotted ladybird of luck) and have not dived particularly deep since arriving back here over a week ago.

But record attempts need to be announced 14 days in advance, and the way it's all going at present, I am not ready... But! I have 14 days...
So I am re-acquainting myself with faith. Faith and I go back a long way. We've been best friends for years... Faith is the kind of friend you can lose touch with for a while, and when you meet up again you're chatting away like you never left.

'Hi Faith, it's Hanli here... yeah... yeah... nice to hear your voice too...'

*CWT- constant weigth with fins, diving deep with monofin; CNF- constant no fins, diving deep no fins ie. breaststroke; FIM- free immersion, pulling yourself down a rope and up again; STA- static apnea, floating dead still face down holding your breath.)